Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Decision

Being parents is not an easy job. No matter what I do and how many times I think over before doing something, I always question myself if it’s the right choice I made. We always knew that we are gonna have 2 kids but how soon after the first one, was unclear. After A was few months old I thought having baby was not like I heard (because of the wonderful doc who delivered A, no pain or anything) and A was always very good since day1. I wanted to have another baby soon so that I go through sleepless night, diaper change, potty training & all baby related issues at the same time. Waiting for another 3-4 years to have another baby seemed too much. And I wanted A to have someone to play with soon:-) Although I did think if it was unfair to A cuz being pregnant with a baby around & having another kid when ur first born needs your attention all the time is not good and its not the same as first time when you can rest whenever you feel like it and have a guilty free pregnancy. Still it seemed the right choice for us cuz he was just a baby then we thought by the time I will deliver, he wouldn’t be asking for that much attention anyway and afterwards it won’t be bad since I can give him all the attention he wants. But from time to time I do think if it was the right decision we made and is it fair to A since she gets all the attention from us but there are other times when I am 200% sure that it was the right decision.

Today was one of those days when I felt it was the right decision:-) why? Well this is what happened.. Few weeks back I met a new friend S whose daughter is in A’s class. They had few school holidays during end of jan till first week of feb. Everytime we talked on the phone, S sounded awful. She complaint how her daughter is crying to go to school, not letting her do anything till evening, making her play all day long arranging tea parties, beauty parlor & pizza ordering game. Well it does sound like fun but not when you are playing against ur will and all day long for almost everyday. So many times we had to cut short our conversation because her daughter started playing with the phone, dialing# or crying.

The other day she was crying because she didn’t want to brush her teeth & S said that everyday it takes ½ hr. of crying to get her to brush her teeth. Today when I called her, her daughter was crying because she wanted someone to play with her and the girl next door was still sleeping and couldn’t come for another hr. or 2. Then she mentioned some other stuff that her daughter does & they let her get away with it cuz they feel guilty because of her crying.

I told her that every time I talk to her, I thank God for having my kids so close together;-) I even suggested that they should have another kid since her daughter is already 4year old;-) I really feel bad for her daughter cuz she really want someone to be there all the time to play with her.

Now my kids keep me busy all day long too. Even when I go to bathroom they come looking for me & stand outside the bathroom till Im done but they never feel bored even for a second. Actually days feel shorter compare to what they want to do all they long:-) Because of their less age difference they enjoy same kind of things and have lots of fun all day long:-) They draw on each other hands & feet instead of mine;-) Atleast 10 times a day A feels like he became bigger than he was the last minute and he can check it by picking gudiya up & feel happy:-) They enjoy same silly movies and sing & dance holding each other’s hands. One makes houses from blocks & other wants the same block instead of the whole bin next to them so another episode of fun comes in the picture after that:-) Even when I put them in bed and it takes me 10 minutes to do some stuff A makes sure that gudiya is not upto anything and he make her sleep on his pillow, put her favorite video & put comforter on her:-) I don’t even need to say that, he does all that by himself:-)

My bhua had her daughter when her son was 4-5 years old & when she started crawling, it was tough cuz she would take his books, pen & stuff and he used to get very irritated. Ofcourse it was fine few years later but they didn’t enjoy their childhood like my kids are enjoying. (My opinion;-)

But there are times when I feel the other way, that’s only because she gets lots of attention and most of time when we are giving A some time she gets all angry & we have to take care of both of them at the same time and this eliminate the chance of one to one time with A when I really think that he needs those few Mommy & Daddy minutes everyday. And both of them make so much chaos & keep me on my tows all day long. I am always scared of them chasing each other very fast & falling down 20 times a day and I don’t know how everyday they come up with new ideas of doing some mischievous things to make me scream & yell..

Still I love it :-)


A Little Light said...

Thats so cute mommyof2, i hope i had a brother like A :-)..pls pass on my kisses to both of them!

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

Younger siblings do invite a bit of jealousy from the older child because of the less attention he recieves. But that is temporary, as time goes on, it will instill a sense of responsibility to take care of the younger child.

Asha said...

My kids have exactly 4 yrs gap between them and both babies were VERY planned and executed like military fashion!:D

Trisha is a great baby sitter.As soon as she was 11 yrs old,we would leave them both at home and go for a movie or shopping which we didn't do for 11yrs!!

Now we have 4 yrs time for saving for Tushar's college while we pay for Trisha's! Can you imagine if both are in college at the same time and paying $40000 per year for Public college?! Phew!

Enjoy the kiddies while they are young.My kids are not fussy either and ALWAYS loved school.

starry nights said...

My kids are exactly six years apart and were planned that way.I have no regrets.did not have any problem and like Asha said the older one sure helped a lot with the younger one.Now they are teens and he looks up to his older sister and I am also happy we have a few years to recover between the kids to pay their college tuition.I think either way its hard when kids are young but before you know it they will be grown .

Keshi said...

Im the youngest in our family. My sis apparently hit me on the head with a powder tin when I was born. LOL look how jealous she was! And that may also explain why Im a bit mental too.


artnavy said...

i am an only child and i think i did fine

i cant imagine having a second one anytime soon

i guess it varies case to case

and yes- too much kissing- no never- it is a really wonderful thing

The Mad Momma said...

You will rarely get agreement on this.. but I think two kids close in age is perfect. its two years of hardwork but you are gifting them a lifetime of friendship and closeness. my brother and I are 14 months apart and my babies will be 22 months apart. No one on earth is closer to me than my brother and we had a blast growing up together. what is the age diff between your babies? why dont you go to and put up birthday tickers so we can follow their growth too?!

@ said...

you parent with a good sense of humor, Mo2, and your kids are lucky - if it were any other way, you might be Ms Hitler, expecting two naughty toddlers to behave all the time. Instead you count your little blessings such as "They draw on each other hands & feet instead of mine" :-)
And I agree with your decision...for long term benefits, and from observing other families, I have concluded that having kids close to each other is a lot better than a wide age gap.

mommyof2 said...

a little light: Well me too:-)He even gives me such feel of security & happiness that I wish I had a brother or sister like him;-)

ganesh:She feels jealous because she can't stand anybody else getting attention:-)

Asha, Starry Nights: I think everybody try to make the best decision. I am not saying that having kids close together is the best decision but having them close together is best for me & I planned that way because of my circumstances:-) I grew up alone and I never had the closeness of parents so my all bets were on my marriage where I wanted to be like old wives with so many kids and cooking together & everybody in the kitchen eating, you get the pic;-) Well this didn’t turn out like that either;-) After I had A, I was so happy & I wanted to have the next one soon so that we could bond together (hubby is a different story;-). I wasn’t working & didn’t feel like going through sleepless night again after few year. And having them less years apart added more joy in my life since they are having fun doing same type of silly things together:-)

Still I think somehow I should give more attention to A. You don’t know how many nights I sleep feeling guilty that I couldn’t give time to A. But hey, every decision has a good & bad side & I am working on it:-) But I saved 3–4 years;-) now I will be done by the time they are 5-6 cuz then they will be mature enough & life will be back to normal but YOU waited 10-11 years;-) HA j/k lol!!

keshi: My step sister tried to throw the younger one out of the window. During every fight older one used to say “Why didn’t I throw you then”:-) lol But thankfully my son has feeling like me.. he smothers her:-)

And you are nothing but sweet:-)

artnavy: yes, its different for everybody:-) I have friends with one kid and everybody in their family, including their kid, is happy with this decision & their kid don’t act like the girl I mentioned in my post. My friend (in post) wants to have another one but her hubby is not ready. If you made the decision of having one kid & you can keep him/her happy then you are right otherwise keep that option open;-)

the mad momma: Oh no, Im not looking for one:-) I just wanted to say that it’s the best decision I made, even though I too doubt sometimes when I feel like A should get more attention from us, still good side of this decision are way more than that:-) He is having fun full childhood since the day he is aware of the concept of having fun:-) You are so right about closeness & friendship.. That’s what I had in my mind when I decided;-) My kids are 20m 1week apart. I post it earlier in answer to ur question but you never checked back;-)

mommyof2 said...

@: I think I am lucky to have them:-) And there was/is “Ms. Hitler” time for few minutes or seconds everyday;-) It is a part of my motherhood book;-) I believe if yelling works you don’t need to spank them, so I make sure my yelling works;-)

“And I agree with your decision”
I think its better here since you don’t have neighborhood like India to play with kids. But the options, having them less or more years apart or just having 1 kid or 14(I saw on tv), have their own good & bad sides and everybody has to see which works for them:-)

Sush said...

that is interesting and thought provoking

Anonymous said...

I think it varies from person to person. My brother and i are 1/5 years apart and we fought a lot over everything and drove our parents nuts ;). We played well alright, but we fought just as much. And i still remember saying -'You are not my boss. You are just 1.5 yrs older than me. You can't tell me what to do' very often. So there is nothing like a perfect situation. Things are perfect in each family the way they are. If your kids were spaced 3-4 yrs aprt, you wouldn't have lamented that they are not very close to each other because of that, right? You'd have justified it anyways ;)

mommyof2 said...

sush: Good Luck:-)Its not easy to make choice;-)

sandhya: right, You can justified any choice you make:-)But it is how it should be..No matter what decision you make,you give it lot of thoughts and then decide what works for you and no matter what you choose, its the best for YOU and thats all matter:-)All options, choices are fine but different people choose things according to their different personalites, views, experiences & circumstances:-)Now, one of my bhua had kids 13 years after the first one and it worked the best cuz her daughter used to take care of the youngerone;-) Its like 2 moms in the house:-)

Nee said...

Hi there MO2,
Can't comment on the decision, but it was very sweet to read about the kids antics!


Orchid said...

Right now I am in your friend's shoes... one child close to 4 and every minute I sense and feel he is lonely. I am mentally prepared for another child but we have other reasons why we want to put off having a second child for atleast another yr if not maybe when I have a seocnd child A will already be 5 0r even 6 and I really hope it won't be too late. You are lucky!