Friday, February 09, 2007

My heart skipped a Beat..

Last night I was putting them to sleep but they didn’t want to so I told them if they go to sleep and I will take them out tomorrow otherwise I will go out alone and they will have to stay home with Dad.

My one hand was on A and Gudiya was mad at me cuz she wanted to hold both my hands but I told her to close her eyes and sleep otherwise she will be staying home tomorrow. She closed her eyes but didn’t put her head on pillow instead she started swinging her head (eyes were still closed;-). After a minute she bumped her head on the side of crib. There is bumper pad on the sides & crib is not that hard anyway. She said “Uee”, I rubbed her head & told her to stop swinging but she was all giggly and started the same with closed eyes & twitchy nose:-) After another minute she got another “Uee” then another. I rubbed her again & again and told her to knock it off, loudly. She opened her one eyes, looked at me with a smile, rolled over on my arm and came close to my face & kissed me:-). Then she put her arms around my neck & kissed me atleast 20 times. My heart skipped a beat and I almost had tears in my eyes to experience such love & see her doing all that nautanki.

My grandmother and bhuas raised me. But that time my grandmother was working and my bhuas were busy in college & job. I was wondering if I ever did that kind of stuff and if I did, did someone noticed that. I got so much love growing up, lots more than my parents could give me but seeing my kids doing these kind of things, I always wonder how can a mother forget about her child(my parents are divorced, I don’t even know my mother) and now everytime my kids do something I have noone to tell me that “You used to do this or that too:-( ”. And when I was watching gudiya last night I felt so lucky to see her doing that and felt unlucky to think that nobody was there see me doing similar stuff.


Asha said...


You grew up without knowing your mom?! That is very unusual in India,divorce and all.I can imagine your dad not letting you see your mom but can you go now and meet her now that you have grown up?I am sure she loves you as much as you love your Gudiya.Circumstances may not have allowed her to meet you and love you physically.
I have a uncle who abused his wife so much that she ran away to her parents one day leaving her 5yr old boy behind to save her life and she was never allowed to see the boy after that.That boy is an adult now and thinks his mom donot like him but as we know his mom is a wonderful person and is a teacher now!!Sad,isn't it?

@ said...

awwww, dearest G, reading this brought me to tears :(
Gudiya is sooooooo lucky to have a lovely mom like you and you are so lucky to be able to cherish these moments. The unlucky part from the past can't be changed - but the showering of kisses in the present more than makes up for that, doesn't it?

artnavy said...

awww- that is sad
i do not know teh background but
maybe u can renew touch with your mom?

mommyof2 said...

asha: Well I got the same impression as that boy. And she is a teacher too..

@: yeah but sometime you do wish for the things you don't have and this is something thats every child should have without asking for it..

art: no, I don't want to cuz then It will hurt all the people in my life..

The Mad Momma said...

its sad to lose a mother.. in whatever way... was going to suggest what Art said, but just saw your reply to her. Maybe it will hurt others, but sometimes you need to do somethings solely for yourself. As as adult. For closure. Your parents did what was right for them. You need to do what is right for you. Not carry regrets to your grave. Hope you dont mind what I said.

mommyof2 said...

the mad momma: No, I don’t mind at all:-)

Everybody did a lot for me and even if I want to meet my mother I can’t cuz it will mean “sari umar ke pyar pey paani” for my family. And my mother never tried to meet me, she lived only 45 minutes away from my place, so I don’t feel like meeting her either. But the only thing bugged me so much is, how can a mother be like this.. Never even wanted to or tried to see her daughter? I didn’t bond with her cuz she wasn’t there but what about her? This question will stay with me my whole life..