Sunday, September 17, 2006

My daughter’s & My Week

Well It was the first time when we were spending any time without my son A. On Monday she was looking around & kept calling A hoping to see him running to her from kitchen or one of the rooms… It was just heartbreaking… She got very quiet last week. She wasn’t playing much, just taking toys & sitting quietly. No bicycle riding, no coloring, no sleeping during first 2 days and no eating properly. Yes, She went on almost hunger strike. She was just drinking milk. I had to force her to eat few bites of something every hr. but that wasn’t going quite well either.

I was hoping to finish lots of stuff while A was at school. I was thinking our life will be back to almost normal since I could do almost everything taking care of one kid at home like I used to, before I had her but boy was I wrong. I think it was her who needed to be in the school. Before She used to initiate things & my son used to follow her around making it difficult to do anything but didn’t think that it would still be same and very hard with only her at home with me. Needless to say everything in house is just the same as it was a week before. House is still a mess, laundry needs to be folded, no cooking done this week as I was busy feeding her every hr. and I am still very tired. I was really seeing myself very energetic at the end of the week but nope, still tired & exhausted.

Weekend is very tough. She is not letting A touch any toy since she was the queen of the house for a week & now she consider everything belong to her. She is not letting him use the computer cuz she was the one who used computer for the whole week. So in short, lots of fighting & crying is going on every second. Good thing is that she ate little better today as A was there and she was afraid of him finishing her food;-) I had never seen the jealous side of her before. Now anytime I am giving something to A first she get angry and runs to the corner of the room crying hard.

But She is getting all the love she deserves. I used to feel guilty kissing her in front of my son, even though I used to kiss A as well but she is very lovey dovey who likes to run up to me so many times a day just to kiss me and every time I kiss her back I feel guilty thinking I am only kissing her not my son. In my mind I know my son is playing or doing something and its not practical to count the kisses & kiss A the same time still I always felt bad. Now I can kiss her anytime although every time I kiss her I think of my son and still feel bad but she is getting lots of love from both of us, more than usual.

Now from tomorrow I need to work on getting her to eat well & sleep on time(she is sleeping good since Wednesday but very late in the afternoon), make a to-do list of house chores, which I can start doing at least little bit every day And hopefully we will have a normal clean house & life soon.


itchingtowrite said...

u shudn't be feeling guilty- needs of each child are different- whether its a kiss or a cuddle or a hug or simply some quiet time together. enjoy!!

Tharini said...

I feel amazed to read abt all the ways that children react. They have so many hidden feelings.

And I can understand your guilt. I wonder if I'll feel the same. Now whenever I read your posts to do with both the kids, I always transport forward a few months and wonder how it will be for me.

But please don't feel guilty giving her extra love when he's not arnd....for he gotall of that love before she was born right?

But easier said than done, a mother always acts and reacts with her heart.

Felt touched reading this.

@ said...

to me, it sounds like she's rebelling against her brother's absence - both going on a hunger strike and then fighting with him when they're together - almost as if, she's angry at him for going away.
Touching to see how close they are..maybe you shud put her in the same school too?? ;-)
Oh, and don't feel guilty - I am sure you express your love for your son in ways other than kisses.

mommyof2 said...

i2w: I think in our mind we feel the way you said but mother's brain mostly thinks from the heart:-)

Tara: You are right about hidden feelings. I can see big difference on how my daughter reacts since last week. Totally different than she used to..

@: I think its pure jelousy:-) She got very spoiled since last week:-)

Sush said...

I would say let her have the best time of her life.. later she would be joining him there anyways :-))). Have fun both of you.

Hip Grandma said...

let the house be a mess if it must.enjoy your time with your won't get this time back.