Monday, July 31, 2006
There are some things I really feel bad about and I really really need to work on changing a few of them..
1.) I feel a little bad about my too much attachment to my kids.. I hope it doesn’t mean I am holding them back and not letting them experience the outer world. I love having them around even though its heck of work & stress.
DS is almost 3 ½ but I don’t feel comfortable thinking about someone else taking care of him when I am staying home & totally capable of taking care of him. I feel like I can take better care of him then those day care people. After all I am not working so shouldn’t compare myself with working parents need to send their kids to daycare But for some reason can’t stop thinking if I am keeping DS from experiencing social life & learning other things..
2.) Both kids sleep with us.. I think If kids sleep separate we get full sleep & they learn to stick with timing & the sense the feeling of independence, still I want them to sleep with us.. Hubby likes the co-sleeping too since he is out all day and this way he feels like he is spending time with them..
This is something I don’t want to change soon.. Kids in India sleep with their parents and they grow up fine. So I want them to sleep with us as long as they want and If it was my choice I want my DD to sleep with me till she is 18, actually make that 20 or until she gets married..
3.) I feel bad when till the end of my second pregnancy I thought I couldn’t love my DD the way I do my son and after she was born she got way too much attention than my DS. Even now she gets more attention than DS since she is the younger one and a bit more dependent than DS. But every time I do something for her and DS is there watching I feel bad, very bad.. I try to do same things for both but there are things that one of them prefer so have to go accordingly and it made me feel bad lots of time even though its not my fault and they are too young to understand that I try to give both of them what they want and its their individual choice I am going by..
4.) I feel bad when I yell at them or slap them after being frustrated of telling them million times “No” ,“ Stop Bothering Her”, “Don’t do this or that”. Even though I kiss them right after (most of the times) I still feel guilty. Every time I yell at them I try to make a promise to myself to have better control over myself next time but how many times a day you can let go of things when both of them don’t want to listen. Then I think its good I yell or slap them instead of them getting hurt by doing stupid stunts & things.. As long as they are not hurting each other or themselves, I try to be patience and let them do whatever but once I see them doing something hurtfull I try to stop them, yell at them and after that the slapping comes. Even though I think I tried everything else to stop them & I had to slap them still I feel guilty.
5.) I feel bad when I am too tired with daily things and can’t pay too much attention to them right away or play with them when I think I should. I try to do my best but I get tired of doing the same boring stuff everyday & sometimes I get fed up with everything.. They don’t want to play with their toys or do any other activity at the time I am busy or just need some time but I end up feeling guilty over this..
6.) I feel bad when during naptime I tell my son to let me make DD go to sleep first so that I can spend 10 minutes with DS afterwards. To make her sleep I turn to her side to make sure she is keeping her eyes closed but the whole time I am thinking of DS who is laying down next to me on the other side waiting. I hope he understand that I can give him time when she goes to sleep and I am doing that to spend time with him.
7.) I feel bad when I do lots of things the way DD wants. Even though these are little things like choosing the song or giving her the crayon she wants (we have countless crayons still she wants what DS has). Most of the times I try to be fair and let her cry or give her something else but she is a hot headed girl and there is no way I can make her do something or take away something from her. So I had to tell my son to give her for few minutes and I will get it back from her. Even though I do this only very few times still I feel bad.
8.) When DD was a few months old I had to give her lots of time cuz she used to threw up a lot so my whole day was changing her, feeding her or holding her to avoid throwing up. I felt guilty spending lots of time with her then I use to tell my DS to sit next to me looking at album and I use to tell him “Look, when you were a baby I use to hold you too” and showed him other pictures to let him know that babies need mommy a bit more and I did the same with him too.
Now everyday so many times he say “Jab mein chotta baby tha na toh mein yeh karta tha or vaoh kartha tha” (When I was a baby I used to do this or that).. Now I don’t know if he is remembering all the things he used to do or he is missing all that including being the only one to be close to me..
Saturday, July 29, 2006
I always look forward to my mornings because of the unusual & loving way to start my day. My DD is usually up before me and the minute she wakes up she hold my hand and start saying “mama” & kiss my hand… Sometimes she likes to put her cheek on my cheek and keep saying “mama, mama” and of course the kissing continues… I enjoy this for 10-15 minutes cuz once I open my eyes she says “Ba” (outside).. So even when I am awake before her and have the urge to go out & start my day, I act selfish and decide to pretend like I am asleep… I want to have my heart melting wake up call and hey, I am allowed to become selfish for that, don’t you think?
It was going perfectly until two days ago when she stop doing that… I just don’t know what happened but I really really miss all that.. First I thought maybe today she didn’t remember but y’day again she got busy with her bear blankie . Today was a different story… when I was covering her this morning I realize that her shirt was little wet on one side.. She had or was about to have an “accident”. It was around 5:30, I got up to change her. It doesn’t happen usually but lately she does lots of drama during dipper change so I guess sometimes accident happens because of that. After that she was sleepy but didn’t want to go to sleep.. She was holding my hand and kissing but its not like everyday.. I hope she will soon realize what mommy is been missing and start it again..
Friday, July 28, 2006
Its always one of the most important things on my mind to find something to keep both of my kids busy instead of crying to play with the same toy or competing to sit with me. As long as I can keep even one kid busy for few minutes, life is a bit easy and not to mention that I can breath for few minutes peacefully. Usually my kids are very cooperative but they are kids so its always a hectic day for me.
Anytime we go out shopping instead of buying a big expensive toy I look for something on clearance or something which I can buy for just couple of bucks to keep my kids busy for 1/2 hr. a day at least for 2 days.. This way I can get 2-3 different toys instead of just one.. No matter what we buy for them they lose interest soon and won’t play for more than few minutes with it so I have to think about keeping him busy by finding new activities everyday.. let me tell you its very hard to always look for new ideas but here are the couple of things that works every time.. (Only for 10 minutes though
- Any dvd
- Let them use(break) the computer
- Give them an un open toy to hold & tell them if they are good they will get to play with it tomorrow And hopefully I can use the same logic for few days
- Ask them where do they want to go next weekend
- Looking at the pictures in album
- Reading them a book only if I am lucky enough to make them sit till the end or sometimes even half way through
- Give them chewy gummy bear and make them sit & finish it
- Not interested in coloring but like to hold different colors crayons so by the time they pick the colors & lose interest its already few minutes
- Painting only when DD is sleeping or busy otherwise they always end up fighting over color trey. DD is 16m & wants to walk around with color trey.
- Playing Simon says
- Ring-a-Ring O’Roses
- Cutting paper with DS when DD is asleep
- Blowing bubbles
- Making a house with Lego blocks(If we can find few pieces)
- Tickle them
- Making DS write Alphabets & Numbers ( If I am lucky he will want to but most of times he is done after writing 2-3)
- Give them something to eat by themselves (even though its lot of work for me after they are done(If I am not watching them) but gives me enough time to grab a bite or do something else for 5-10 minutes)
- Tell them to grab a toy to use like a phone & talk. (I love this cuz it gives me an insight of DS’s thoughts)
- Hide something in one hand and ask them to guess & find it.
- Talk about what DS liked when we went to a particular place.
- Give them a wipe to clean their toys(they will clean 1-2 toys then they will wipe the floor then their faces so I make sure to have few minutes after they are done to wash them still it gives me the time I need to finish something)
I am sure there are million other indoor activities which different mothers use according to the interest of their kids. Would love to find out about different activites.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
DS likes to follow DD around all day long.. If she is playing with any toy, he wants to play with the same toy. If she is riding bicycle, he wants to do the same. If she comes to me for hugs & kisses he will try to push her & sit in my lap first.. You get the picture of what every mom of two almost same age kids go through.. No matter how many times I explained it to my son about not copying her or yelled at him so many times for the same, this still is the biggest issue.. Every time we are talking about something I try to include two lines about not following her around every second..
Anyways, the other day he was telling me some kiddy story stuff (no clue about what he was talking about but I was trying to repeat something in between to keep him going & making him think that I was very interested in his story ) and he was really into it.. Every time I ask him something he will think for few seconds & make up few lines to answer me. After he was done I though it’s a good time to explain him about not to follow DD everytime..
“You are a good boy, right?”
“And you are big boy now, right?”
“Big boys don’t follow people around everywhere, OK”
“Try to find something else to play with when DD is playing with a toy... Don’t cry to get the same or snatch from her.... OK”
“So you will remember this, right?”
“Ok, what did I just say?”(Wanted to check if I got through him)
“I don’t know”
Felt like pulling my hair out....
I always argue with DH for his (DH’s) “lack of listening” habit… He ALWAYS ALWAYS end up saying that I didn’t tell “this or that” to him and I am the one to blame for. But Im not that crazy who forget in few seconds what I told him. If I tell DH things in one line, later he will say you didn’t explain and if I explain he will say that I was telling him an essay so he didn’t listen…. “AAAHHHHHHHHHH”
So this incident with DS made me think if all men are born with the same “no listening to” package cuz I know lots of women have same problem.. OR do we women expect them to listen to everything we say…. ??????
Monday, July 24, 2006
“No, I won’t give you blankie now. If you want get it yourself.”
She started saying it loud “blankie, blankie”
I ignored her and started telling DS a story. After 2-3 minutes she got louder And I still ignored her while continuing the story.. When DS saw me not listening to her, he goes
“Mamma, She is asking for her Blankie”
“I know baby but she keep knocking it off and I got tired of giving her blankie so now mamma is not going to give her blankie. When she will fall asleep I will put it on her”
DD was still asking for blankie while swinging her legs in the air.. DS wasn’t satisfied with my answer and got up in few seconds to her blankie.. she did what she was doing for last 15 minutes.. She knocked it off again. He tried to give her blankie few more times and the whole time while I was watching him doing that I was thinking If he came with these feelings or our “parenting” did make him decide to cover her. Either way I am so thankful to God to send us such blessings.
Did you ever have something like this which made you feel good about your parenting?
I will start writing things which happened recently and keep on adding what I could think of when DS was born..