Wednesday, January 31, 2007

What to do?

These days A & Gudiya are into fruit loops. Usually its cheerios but I guess they want colorful sugary stuff now:-) Most of the times I give them in the kitchen in separate bowl, to eat, to throw or whatever. We have a rule about eating in the living room, only snacks are allowed there and mommy will feed you cuz we don’t want food fights on the carpet or food under the sofas or under the table on daily bases to avoid bugs.

This morning I got one bowl of cereal. Just then someone called and I told Gudiya to wait for just a minute but both of them were fighting to eat on their own. I had an empty bowl too and I tried to split it for A but by now Gudiya has the possession of bowl & spoon and wasn’t even letting us to touch it. He took a cheerio but she started crying & held his hand and made him took it out of his mouth & put it back in the bowl:-O She did this 3 times and I had to tell my friend that I will call back later. I took her in the kitchen, crying & holding full bowl & spoon, and put her on the high chair. Told A to stay in the living room cuz she didn’t want him near her cheerios bowl. Got another cereal bowl for A cuz he wanted mamma to feed him.

She was in the kitchen for 40 minutes watching tv & eating peacefully and we have to go check on her every couple of minutes to see if she is eating one at a time instead of stuffing her mouth & spitting everything later. Still I had my tea peacefully & A ate without someone putting finger down his throat.

Now as Orchid mentioned that California is going to become a no spanking state, made me think what if every state pass that rule, then? I mean after whatever Gudiya did, I didn’t spank her or really yell at her. I just said, “No, you don’t do that. Share with A” and put them separate cuz usually whenever I give something to one kid, he/she demand another one to give it to the other kids. But what if she start doing, what she did today, everyday, then it won’t be the ignoring matter after more than 2-3 times and I have to yell at her or spank her.

With one kid things are different but with more than 1 it’s a whole circus and zoo like, even for the silliest things. Parents are more of a rafree then and you have to draw a line somewhere. At this age they don’t understand the time out concept so what do you do? And by passing these laws aren’t they taking away parents rights to teach kids the good things for everybody’s better future? I mean they are kids, they need a bit yelling Ok lots of yelling & warnings and at some point spanking has to come in the picture. Don’t u think?


Sush said...

I very well remember such fights between me and my bro and my mom going crazy as to how to stop us from doing that over and over again.. and seeing this I am scared what my future holds for me.

Asha said...

CA ppl are crazy!!:))
My 16yr old kid got smacked twice in her life when she hurt her bro physically once and said real bad word 2nd time which I never liked and she never did it again till today.
Sometimes they have to know what it feels like to get smacked ,then they will learn.
Well..most kids are okay and learn just with time out and then there are some kids and some parents who go beyond "normal"!May be they should move to CA!

starry nights said...

I am from Ca but I am glad my kids are older and don't need to get spanked.I sure have spanked them a couple of time when things went wrong,not really hard ,sometimes I think they need to.I dont believe in hitting your children but a light spank now and again I am sure is ok.this is only my view so others don't get me down on this.

Keshi said...

I got spnaked heavily when I was lil..and Im glad I did!


Alan said...

We got spanked as kids and basically turned out OK. Mom generally used Bolo paddles. These paddles come with a ball attached by an elastic string. Hours of amusement are provided by continuously hitting the ball. When the elastic string eventually breaks, they become spanking paddles.

artnavy said...

u r so right- i think most parents shld be allowed to bring up kids as they want to

but there are some psycho parents out there- how to keep them in check??

but they are a matter of exception, not of rule- hence a law does not make sense to me

imagien such a scene in India

and yes it is more difficult with 2 kids i guess

given CA- is there a juvenile court rule against kids spanking/ biting/ pulling hair/ demolishingstuff?? ...just kidding

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

Spank you kids if necessary but please don't think of innovative punishments like locking them in a room or something....

Orchid said...

Y'know my opinion on this already :)
But I think 2 kids would be give time out to one and th other will automatically learn..sort of by example...with one it's harder they think they rule the world, atleast the household !!

Aparna said...

I think that spanking is not a great idea. Don't think I'm preaching - you know I have done it myself (and I have only one kid!).

But everytime I had used force, I regretted it. Not just because of conscience, but because it made her very aggressive and she started to hit me back when angry.

But everytime I try patience instead of hitting (or yelling), it usually works much better. You know how they say children learn to hit others if you hit them - this was perfectly true in our case.

mommyof2 said...

Sush: no need to fear:-) these things are a must in life and without these fights there will be boring memories:-)

asha: You are right:-) Sometimes they need to know the concept of punishment even though its 2-3 minutes timeout or a spank;-)

Starry: We think alike on this one:-)

keshi: I did too;-) not heavily but did have my share & I am also glad I did cuz that was necessary;-)

alan: lol! Now looking at paddles reminds you of all the fun you had or the spanking;-) I got spanked as kid too and I think I turned out ok too;-)

artnavy: that’s what Im saying too. I can’t imagine this rule in India. You have to tie parent’s hands to stop them ;-)

ganesh: oh NO NO NO.. I don’t have the heart to do that. Punish kid & then scare the heck of them by locking in a room, NO NO NO. I don’t even have to heart to put them in their room at night just because I don’t want them to cry or feel scared. Im way too sensitive & emotional.. You read in this post how she did still I just smiled but didn’t even yell at her:-) I even yell only when I see that they are going to hurt themselves or each other otherwise they can do whatever:-)

Orchid: Its hard with kids, doesn’t matter if you have 1,2 or 15;-) Ruling the household is not a problem until you have other kid claming the same territory;-) then it’s a war;-)

aps: You can preach too dear, I don’t mind;-) I have spanked them too couple of times but only when they hurt each other but now I just put them separate for few minutes or give them 10 warnings and its works great. But in our case spanking worked ok too. Now I just ask A “you want to listen to mamma or a spank? And he always listen to me then.. well almost always.:-)” And about warnings, well I wake up with a normal voice & by end of the day I have hoarse voice;-)

The Mad Momma said...

I realise there are plenty of psychos out there, but as an Indian parent i cannot imagine the state taking away my right to discipline my child in the way i see best. i think its taking things too far. most of us have been spanked as a kid and have not really ended up needing psychiatric treatment. sometimes i think the west goes too far in its interference.

Alan said...

I just re-read this post. You're right about more than one kid being a circus. When the kids were much younger, one alone was always fine. As soon as the second one walked in, crazy time.

One child would be sitting quietly at the dinning room table doing homework. The other would casually walk by and smack him in the back of the head. Then the chase and fighting would begin. You're right about being a referee.

mommyof2 said...

themadmomma: I think because we grew up with necessary spaking and even now most of us think that it was a MUST at that time, make us spank our kids when we think its necessary and I too don't see any side effects of that;-)

Alan: lol! its tough dealing with teenagers:-)you are more of a ringleader then;-)