Thursday, March 01, 2007

Was I Mean??

After the other day’s argument I told him that if he has that much work he don’t need to come home early (he work from home-first floor), I will give him dinner just like lunch.. Prepare a plate & call him then he come from the backdoor & take it downstairs..

So yesterday he came home and this is what happened

What are you doing here? Done with your work?

Ab kya, Im home now.

Well I told you can work as long as you want & I will take care of the kids..

No, its ok.

NO, We are in good mood and every time you come home either you spank A within 5 minutes & make me mad or you piss me off. So if you have lots of work to do you can go downstairs and don’t worry about us.

You can cook & eat and I will take care of the kids for an hr...

Well I am almost done anyway and I would like to work happily not pissed off or under pressure and feeling guilty that you are home because of me.. So no need to do that for me..

You sure


Then I spend 2 hrs. cooking, doing dishes & other stuff, and though he might be hungry. So made berry smoothie (he doesn’t like anything so if I say it was his favorite, I would be lying.. He can live on milk & bananas.) And called him..

I fed the kids while he was in the kitchen & he offered to feed the kids but Nope, I didn’t want his help.. (I was still pissed off from inside). He was eating and I did all the night things for kids, peepee, diaper & wash them and put them in the bedroom. He even offered to do that which I usually like cuz I feel relaxed when he does that 10-minute thing. It’s a change for me after all day of doing the same.. But not yesterday.. I didn’t want his help at all.. In 10 minutes I finished eating my dinner.. He wanted to go downstairs for more work but now I wanted to have tea without any interruption.. So he stayed even though I said he didn’t need to “I will drink after kids are asleep”. So he was with kids & I had tea and did the tag;-) then went inside & spend 20 minutes making both of them go to sleep so that I can watch tv on mute & feel peaceful:-)

Now even though we argue it doesn’t mean I don’t love him (I don’t know about him though). He is a great guy who help me anytime I need but only problem is that he is emotionless & everything is a chore for him.. By everything I mean “Everything”.. And that bothers me sooooooo much..

And I made up my mind now.. Until he wants to stay home, we don’t need his help. So I thought he will be working late today too (yes he has too;-) let me make food which is more filling so Im off to making thai food for him;-)

Do you think Im wrong? I mean if he is not willing why bother making him spend time with us.. Kids are always happy to see him but they don’t care if he doesn’t come home for a day or 2.. Until I go in the bedroom they don’t even sleep with him.. I tell hubby that he needs to show interest in them cuz just sitting there watching tv with them is not all they want. Other kids wait for the dad to come home & spend time but not your kids. But he says, “Aise he hota hai”. Nope, Aise nahi hota.


Sush said...

I do understand. the complete lack of attention is really tiring.. and you feeling pissed off is okay too.. but all said and done your love will beat it all

Orchid said...

Maybe not craving the other person's attention so much works.. I mean he has to realise something about you is different (oh believe me they can notice that)....see if that helps..but the fact that he offered to help tells me he cares and ofcourse men are just not as expressive as us :)

Does he read your blog, just curious ?

priya said...


Hey, c'mon girl.... Nobody is mean and you did the right think. When you divert a little from him, he sees the difference and gets the point.

Men are that way when they get invovled into their job and we need to be more patience and good tolerance. As you said if its an arranged marriage, we hardly know them right. He is a total stranger.

He felt guilty and thaz why he cared for kids.

I think you just have to relax and take your time with few of your hobbies. When your mind diverts which brings interest to you, it relaxes and calms down.

Take care....

Asha said...

Good going G!!:))

Beg for attention,they run away and ignore them,they will run to you.Learn to be self sufficient like me,don't let anything bother you.It's not worth your unhappiness.
Keep smiling.(Arvind is jealous of my blogging now!!);D

@ said...

G- I would have done the same. Ignoring is my tactic for sweet revenge. I am not saying that it is a mature way of handling it. But it does help me cool off a bit. Eventually though, the only things that patches things up is open discussion and apologies and making are things today?

Fuzzylogic said...

Men I feel are mulish creatures.But there is one thing though they really don't get it until you point blankly talk to them what exactly you feel.This is my experience.They don't read subtle signals,I have tried sulking,ignoring,every other hint possible but usually unless I voice it nothing gets resolved.And sulking or nagging never gets anything done it further escalates the things.I think you both ought to have a heart to heart talk and you ought to say it out in exact terms what you wish for him to do.

And I hate when anything comes between the few moments of me and my tea too:)I infact told even my little girl though I'm sure she never understood it, in a la peter russel style "See,mom needs to drink her tea in peace,if anyone disturbs in between she is going to get pissed off and somebody's gonna get hurt real bad":)We all need our "Me" moments to feel sane!

B o o said...

I very much agree with Fuzzylogic. My hubby does nt get the hints either. After I had the bad fall and hurt myself, when I called my sis, as soon as I said Hello, she asked me "Whats wrong? what happened?". All this from the tone of my hello. And the other day I bumped my head and was in bad pain when Hd called. I was almost in tears when I said hello and then we spoke for 5 mins but he did nt have a clue!! Of course he was all concerned AFTER I told him, but thats not what we want is it? ;)

Minal said...

Talk. Talk. Talk. That is what the hubby says when I go this 'ignore' and i-don't -need-you-ever route.
And, I agree it helps. They simply dont understand unless you put all of the grievances and instances in a.b and c's.

Aparna said...

hey, I think men don't seem to need so much attention as wwe woman do. I am constantly seeking my hubby's attention and when I don't get as much, i tell myself "why shld i bother when he doesn't want to?"

But at the end of it I know he loves me... and all I need is patience! some more, from somewhere deep within I manage to dig it up and things go back on track agn!

dig for that gal and lo behold u will also say "aisa hota hai"!