Yesterday

I was pushed to the limit.. I woke up and thought of cleaning since kids were asleep so I mop the floor without even going to bathroom first (saving time;-). Kids were awake by the time I was almost done and we did all the morning stuff, diaper change, taking A to bathroom, brush their teeth, give them milk, cut apple for them & went to bathroom. By the time they were eating I vacuumed, then made tea for myself. I hardly had 2 sips and had to change gudiya’s poppy diaper.

While coming back in the living room I thought of getting cashews for them. I was in the kitchen for hardly a minute and both of them started doing masti.. In less than 30 second of my attempt to get cashews, talking (yelling) at them for not hurting each other I heard them fighting for the same ball then they ran to the kitchen & I think A pushed her and gudiya fell in the bathroom. So washer her hands & feet and send her in the living room. Washed my hands, went in the living room & saw A trying to pick gudiya up and before I could say stop, they fell.. I screamed “head head” thinking she will bump her head on the floor. But somehow A kept holding her & thank God she didn’t bump her head..

Again they came running to me, I almost sat down on sofa when gudiya hit the cashew bowl & everything was on the rug, which I just vacuumed.. Cleaned that again and gave them few cashew.. Then I put a song dvd and reheated my tea again.. I just had 1 sip and saw A holding Gudiya’s hand & dancing.. Circling & jumping very fast.. Told them to stop for 10 minutes & sit somewhere (wanted to drink my tea;-).. He held her hand and was going to sit on sofa but he went too fast and dragged her.. She fell near the table & hurt her leg/knee hitting on the bottom of the table. Then I lost it.. I spanked A cuz we have told him so many times not to hold her hand & try to run, rubbed gudiya’s leg & check for any swelling, yelled, yelled and yelled.

Now Gudiya was crying cuz she was hurt, A was crying because I spanked him for hurting her (this was the 3rd time since morning that he hurt her when I was telling him to leave her alone) & then I cried (yes, I did.. remember I am a mom;-) because I can’t see them getting hurt and it makes me feel so bad. Now I had even lost my voice, well almost (because of all the talking & yelling).. It was 11:30 and A goes to school around 12:15.. So I called hubby & told him to take A out. He said where? Well anywhere for 15 minutes.. I figured I will get him ready in 10 minutes & hubby can take care of him for 10-15 minutes & it will be time for his 2 hr. school. Right after calling him everything cooled down.. Both kids were sitting with me.. It was peace for few seconds and I told A to sit on a chair & gudiya to sit on other. Then called hubby again & told him not to come since it was ok now (beside my throat & headache).

Fed them more and got A ready for school. Once he was gone, gave gudiya milk, put on dvd for her and finally had my tea & ate some food. I was feeling so guilty for yelling & spanking A but what he did was not good.. Hurting someone, even after warning, is not acceptable..

Tried to make gudiya sleep but she wanted to pull my hair, one by one.. Every time I said ouch, she giggled so I let her to be cruel to me.. Tried so hard to rest for ½ hr. but she was in giggle mode.. Then I stood near the window & waited for A. I forgot that I had set my clock 15 minutes ahead (I was soooo tired to even think) so I was there for ½ an hr. waiting. Then called hubby & he said he is coming in 10 minutes cuz that friend of mine needed lift.. In the meantime I set the trimmer to cut A’s hair.. As soon as he came back, I kissed him a lot, gave him hair cut, shower, milk & everybody went to sleep around 4:30.. hey, we were tired:-)

Everything was fine.. Hubby came home & I asked him to make tea for me as A was sleeping on me & I told him to feed the kids dinner & milk and I wanted to read a book or do something.. In those 3-4 hrs. I changed gudiya’s diaper, ate food while hubby fed them and surf the net for some information (beside spending an hr. looking for a nursing home near his parents place, to hire a nurse for his father).. Then when I went to the bedroom, he said, “I wasted 3 days and you couldn’t even think that I need to get things done”. He was referring to Friday evening & Saturday out with family and Sunday it took him all day to fix the downstairs (rented not for my use so its not considered my work) sink as it was giving problem and it was messy once he tried to fix.. He did it but it took longer than he thought.. Actually weekend suppose to be ours (mine) and I could plan whatever, then he said he had more things to do so I told him that he can have the Sunday and then I realize that if we go out on Saturday I don’t have time to clean or do any housework.. So we started going out Friday evening (family time) so that I can have the Saturday when I can do stuff or have some alone time and he could take care of the kids but now even that was bothering him..

I was furious, back to crying.. He said he didn’t mean that way but is there any other way to interpret? And in the evening he said he wanted to go to India to see his father (he is sick).. so he could take 3-4 weeks to see his family but spending time with us is a waste.. He had 4 day seminar for the long weekend and he attended that and that wasn’t waste of time either especially u r that busy.. So I was very very very angry.. I just don’t know how some guys are so emotionless & if they have few emotions they save it for their “family”(parents). You ask his parents, if they want money or see their son they will say money and you have emotions for them not us..

Anyways, after he said that, he spent more than 1 hr. to eat dinner & then called India.. Now if you have that much work to do, you should eat quickly & do ur work instead of spending hr. watching tv and eating slowly.. Worst part is that he say things and the next second he is all back to normal like nothing happened.. He is a great guy but sometimes the things he say and does hurt so much.. Im sure he don’t think of them afterwards & think everything is fine but I feel so hurt & emotional..

And I am feeling all right today:-)