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By Chinuku(Raindrop)…

I am
Very honest person.
Thinking how my gradmother felt when she was sick & died in the hospital 5 months back.
Thinking how my days will be if I decide to send my son to school next week.
Thinking how some people can eat whatever and still stay slim.

I said
To my hubby “lets go for a drive in this breathtaking weather”.

I want
To feel satisfied with whatever I have.
To be a better person.
To lose weight.
A house in mountains or hilly area.

I wish
My parents weren’t divorced. (still wanted to stay with my grandma though)
My husband had feelings. (he is a great guy but can’t show his feelings)
I was skinny.
I had magic power to help everybody in the world and I could go to India by twitching my nose or just blinking.(yes, you can stop by my place & I would love to drop you wherever in India)
I wasn’t too emotional & sensitive.
People stop giving money(few dollars are ok) to temples here where they spend most of money on unnessary things and save the same money to give people in India who really really are in need.

I miss
My Grandmother.
India.
The smell of Indian dirt & cooking especially in rainy season. *sigh

I hear
Song of Fanaa “Chand Sifarish”
my son talking
lots of voices in my head. (I think I talk to myself all day long in my head)
And wonderful sound of rain.

I wonder
How can my son talk soooo much and not feel tired.
How it will be if you could really see all the Gods and heaven.(yes, I try to be good but Im not talking about going to heaven after death.. just in general)
How I will control myself when my son will start school.

I regret
Not started working after I finished my studies.
Saying few things to my grandma & other people that I shouldn’t have.

I am
A good cook.
Very loving, talkative, short temper & stubborn.
Possesive & very insecure about my kids.
Good & caring at heart.
Very lazy, moody, tired & emotional lately.
Trying to be a good mother & wife.
Trying to connect with God on regular basis.

I dance
With rain. Actually my heart dances with rain.
On the tiny fingers of my daughter.

I sing
Old love & sad songs (only in my head).
“Chand sifarish” of Fanaa
Pyar to hona hi tha
Jab pyar kisi se hota hai(old & new)
RHTDM
Nursery rhymes
Gayatri Mantra

I am not
Patient at all.
A Risk taker.
Very cheerful lately.

I cry
Easily. Hubby always says that I have hidden taps in my eyes and everytime I feel sad he started doing action of opening the tap & I start crying & laughing at the same time.

I'm not always
In good mood.
A good mother & wife.

I make with my hands
Yummy food
Stitching
Embroidery
Anything I put my heart into.

I write
My blog (Im new to writing)

I confuse
Love with showing off.

I need
To have lots of friends like I used to.
To control my temper.
To control eating fried food... actually all my food habits.

I should
Start excercising.
Stop being lazy.
Call my hubby and ask him where the heck he is.. we are getting late for our long drive. Its already getting dark.

I tag
No one since Im new to this bloging world and don’t know many people yet. Any one is welcome to take it if they want to.

Surgery Day

We took the kids out the evening before, thinking they might be in pain after the surgery and won’t be able to go out for a week and it was my son’s last class in the library so had to go there. After library we went to a toy store & then had dinner out. Came home, tried to feed the kids since they didn’t eat much before and they weren’t suppose to eat anything after midnight till after their surgery. We wanted to feed them enough to keep them full till few morning hours.

My daughter didn’t eat anything so gave her milk. We wanted the kids to sleep late so that they feel tired & sleepy the next morning and we could avoid their crying for milk especially my daughter’s. My son was all hyper and playing but my daughter slept in few minutes. He played for almost 2 hrs. And fell asleep around 12:30.

Woke up at 4:30. Both of us got ready, changed the kids & left for the hospital around 5:20. Reached there at 6. My daughter was crying seeing people in while coat thinking she will get shot. So I was walking around with her in lobby. In ½ hr. a lady came in the froggy car to take her to the surgery room. My daughter was scheduled first so that we can feed her soon. Her surgery was at 7:30.The nurses gave her lots of stickers on her way to the surgery room. She was a bit better after she sat in the car with stickers all over her gown. Waited in the recovery room for another 1/2hr… She was waving hi to all the doctors & nurses in the room. Everybody was stopping by to talk to her. By the time the anesthesia lady came, she wasn’t scared anymore. Then the doc came to say hi. He drew a smiley on her thumb and she was busy looking at that. They gave me the while suit to wear and in 10 minutes we were on our way to the surgery room. I could feel my knees weakening as I was taking her.

I put her on a table and they gave her a mask to play with. It was cherry flavor & she was putting it to her nose to smell when they hooked the med. pipe to it. She tried to take it off but fell asleep before I could count 5. Pretty strong fumes.. They told me to wait in the recovery room. I wanted to be in the surgery room but doc said that it is not possible so waited in recovery room.

After 25 minutes my son came down with hubby. He was already playing with the mask. Nice trick.. Talk to hubby about what we did after we came down. Played with my son for some time and saw the nurse bringing my daughter. Was relieved that everything went ok. Took my son to the bed where my daughter was sleeping. He wanted to stay with her but it was time for his surgery so took him to the surgery room.

They told him to smell the mask & tell them if it was cherry or strawberry. After 2-3 times they connect the med tube to it.. He tried to take it off but I was holding him tight. He fell asleep but he was looking at me with his eyes open. They told me to leave. I asked then that his eyes are still open and he might be awake and feel hurt when they will put IV but they assured me that he was sleeping. I can’t forget that look my whole life. He won’t remember any of it but I won’t forget it ever. I felt so helpless but it was for this own good.

Came back in the recovery room. Sat down holding my daughter in my lap. She was still asleep. Talk to the nurses while waiting and in about 35 minutes my son was there. Gave my daughter to hubby and went to hold my son. There beds were opposite to each other in the same room. In another 10 minutes my daughter was fully awake so hubby gave her some warm milk. Waited another 1/2hr. there for my son to wake up. When he was little ok we gave him some warm milk too. They took us upstairs in regular recovery room. My daughter was way too hyper and wanted to walk around. My son was sitting quietly in huuby’s lap. Everyone watching them said their sons are like our daughter, very naughty & daughter are like our son… It was hard to make her sit so nurse took out the IV and I dressed both kids and we were out of the hospital around 11:15.

On our way back we wanted to get some soup for the kids and instead decided to go for a buffet as the kids were very hyper. Fed them few spoons of different soups & they had few bites of other food. Went home, gave them shower & slept.

No one could tell that they had surgery but I was nauseas & had throbbing headache for next 2 days. On Monday I was feeling better when my daughter started throwing up. Called her Orthopedist and made sure it wasn’t related to the surgery then called her pediatrician to talk to her. Since yesterday she didn’t throw up but her other end is leaking. Hopefully she will be fine soon.

Here is the picture 2 days after their surgery.. We were going to temple on Ganesh Chaturthi.

Trigger Thumb

On January 21st this year, we were getting ready for our usual day out. My son was playing while I was getting the diaper bag stuff ready. He started playing with a ball, very lightweight, the kind of they have in McDonald play area. He was keep putting the ball on the floor with one hand and try to pick it up with the other hand while standing. I told him to be careful otherwise he will fall down (mother’s instincts) but they never listen.

After few minutes I saw him trying to pick the ball and instead he fell on his hand while holding the ball. It didn’t seem very big deal at all but he started crying that his hand hurts. I rubbed his hand, pressed it and kissed his boo boo but it didn’t make him feel better. He is skinny and even though he fell on his hand, I mean his body weight on his hand, didn’t make me worry at all. I thought he just want some mommy time so I sat down with him and tried to do silly things to make him feel better.

I was checking every inch of his arm and asking him if it hurt there and massage him trying to make him feel better. Then I reached his hand and start bending his finger to check for anything and he point to his thumb saying it hurt there. I tried to bend his thumb but he started crying with pain. Then I realize that he can’t straighten his thumb. My heart skipped a beat thinking he might have fracture or something. It was few minutes past since he fell over his hand but I didn’t see any swelling so I was thinking he might have sprained it or it is just a case of another dislocation.

Called my hubby to check my son’s hand and get ready to go to hospital. My hubby said it might be the same dislocation kindda thing and will get better in few hours on it own like last time but I was scared & didn’t want to hear anything, so we fought and decided to go to hospital. We paged his ped but by the time she responded we were in the hospital & she said to get it checked since we were already there.

After sitting in the emergency room for sometime, actually very long time, they checked him, did some X-rays & made him put a splint on his thumb. According to them it was a dislocation and splint could make his thumb stay straight and it will be back to normal soon. After whole day in the hospital hubby said “See, I told you so. You overreact every time”. And I am thinking “Well, I am a mother. Its my job to over react over something like this and I am at peace knowing that there is no fracture and If I had to choose all over I will do the same thing again instead of waiting and going to hospital when he is crying in pain.”.

In 2-3 days my daughter had a doctor appointment and we told her to check my son’s thumb too since it was still bending towards his palm. As soon as she saw the thumb & tried to move she said “He has a trigger thumb”. She checked his both hands but they were fine. She explained that it is something he was born with and we happened to notice it the day he fell on his hand. She said its very minor thing, sometimes gets better on its own & sometimes need surgery. As soon as I heard the word surgery I felt my heart in my throat and burning hot inside me. My baby might need surgery? Even though it will be a small one, still. I felt like someone robbed me there. Was in shock and didn’t know what to say. Then she gave us referral for Orthopedic Specialist and as soon as we settled in the car I made an appointment to see him.

Tried to bend & move his thumb in effort to straighten it but no luck. Went to Orthopedic in couple of days. He checked, did X-ray & confirmed that it was trigger thumb and he will need surgery. He said it could be genetic but no one we know had trigger thumb in our families. I told the doc that I will call later to fix the surgery date. I needed some time to absorb the fact that he will need the “local” and doc will make a cut to straighten his thumb. I didn’t even think twice when I had epidural during my both pregnancies but now I feel so week thinking about putting my kids to sleep with medication for few hrs…

Few days later I was playing with my daughter and since trigger thumb was on my mind I started checking my daughter’s hand (yup, didn’t think of checking her sooner). To my worst fear I felt a tiny bump inside of her thumb too.. It was very tiny though but there was a bit bump inside of her right thumb. Made appointment for her to see the same doc. He said it is very tiny and might get better on its own but it hasn’t still. Now my both kids need surgery and hubby blames me for that since I didn’t massage them in their babyhood. And according to him this is the ONLY reason for their trigger thumb. Even though doc said otherwise but he said “Here doctors don’t know anything. I know it is because of no massage.” *sigh

Now my kids, yes both kids, have surgery on this Friday and I am so scared. Even though its short outpatient procedure and we will be out of the hospital the same day still I am sooooo scared. My son is having the surgery first then my daughter.. We asked them to schedule my daughter first as she ask for milk the minute she get up but don’t know yet. I hope everything will go smooth but just thinking about it making me scared & nauseous. Please keep us in your prayers.

update: I get lots of emails from scared mommies regarding trigger thumb. Here is link to the after surgery post.

Dislocation

This was around the time when my son was 13-14 months old and he had just mastered the technique of jumping, jumping and jumping… One night he was playing with the pillows & jumping on the bed (of course we were with him) when all of a sudden he started crying saying uyee, uyee. His left hand hanging almost lifeless and shoulder high like he was trying to hold his arm by elevating his shoulder to his ear. He wouldn’t even let us touch his arm. It was around 12 at night and we thought of going to emergency right away since no doctor office was open at that time.

Then like any first time parent we remember to call his ped first. Paged her and in the meanwhile got everything ready to leave for hospital. I was such a mess seeing him in so much pain. My heart was crying but I tried to hold my tears.

His ped called in ½ hr and said that it is very common in kids since they have very soft bones & it will get better on its own with some movement otherwise come in the office the next morning and she will “click” it to its place. Felt relieved after talking to her and knowing that its not that major since she can fix it in her office and it wasn’t only us but other parents experience something like this too And for some reason it gave me lots of assurance (as first time parents its all about “Is my kid doing what other kids of his age are doing, even though if it was the way they hurt themselves”).

We tried to move his hand very slowly while he fell asleep and after almost 2 hrs he was trying to turn to the other side in his sleep & he himself moved his hand and slept on it. We could not believe it but we were happy cuz he wasn’t crying so it means his hand got better. We checked his hand by moving it in all direction and he wasn’t crying. We went to sleep thinking God has His own way to make kids feel better cuz it did seem miracle to us even thought his ped did mention that something like that would happen still as first time parent we experienced lots of “miracles”.

Thanks Aditya Chopra

Yes, Thanks for making Hum Tum & Neal n Nikki. I don’t know what I would have done without these two movies. My 1 ½ year old daughter is so hooked on these 2 movies that I can’t even think of feeding her without Neal n Nikki and forget about entertaining her without Hum Tum.

I always have Neal n Nikki in the kitchen VCR & Hum Tum dvd ready in the living room cuz you never know when my son & daughter start fighting over something and I have an emergency to find something quickly to distract someone.

Hum Tum sets her moods even before the dvd starts. As soon as she see the cute cartoon boy image on the screen (whom she call by my son’s name), I can see smile on her face and in her eyes. She watches Hum Tum at least 2 times a day till the “chuck de” song then we have to start over again.

And beside all the bad reviews, so much bashing & regardless of the vulgarities, I actually like Neal n Nikki. I think it is different & very entertaining but I wish Tanisha would have worn some cloths. Thanks to our daughter, we have seen Neal n Nikki for about 200 times already (yes, they are watching way too much tv) but not even once we felt bored. No matter what we are doing in kitchen, cooking or eating Or If I need 5 minutes to go to bathroom or make some calls, Neal n Nikki is my savior.. At this age my kids don’t care about the cloths and the sex views they presented in the movie but they love all the songs & laugh when Nikki talks in her screeching voice. Now my daughter calls for Trish 2 minutes before his appearance in the movie & start saying “gana, gana” minutes before the song starts.

Who knew Aditya Chopra could please this young crowd too but they succeeded in their effort to please everyone (at least in my house).

I try to put their other favourite movies like Ganesha, Hanuman, Barney, Teletubbies and other kiddy movies but they all keep her entertained for few minutes only and she starts crying for Nikki. Only these 2 movies let me cook and do things peacefully without any interruption. Now the thing is that since Neal n Nikki is my daughter’s top choice movie I might have to keep an extra eye on her during her teen age years to make sure of things & her making right choices.