Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hi!!

Thanks for missing me girls:-) And special thanks to Kodi’s mom for her humorous email and want to check on me.. And thanks Sush for your email. It was very nice of you all to leave message asking for me:-). It means alot to me:-) Thanks..

On March 2nd I was about to post but we went out and I thought I would post in the morning. 2hrs later we got a call that my FIL passed away. We were in toys r us and hubby came to me saying, “Dad passed away and I have to go to India”. His Father was sick for few months still it wasn’t expected and in the past we talked about hubby going to India he always said that he can’t go cuz there are lots of things going on here, his job & study related, so he won’t be able to but when he said he had to go It was so unexpected and I was scared. Yes, scared because I can’t live alone. I couldn’t go with him because somebody has to take care of the stuff here.

Anyways, he spent most of the night finding ticket online & I spent thinking how am I going to spend 2-3 weeks alone:-(. Days are not a problem since he is never home but I am so scared to be alone at night. He left the next afternoon for 2 weeks. I hardly slept that night and almost all lights were on every night until hubby came back.

Next day started as usual but around afternoon I started to get scared thinking of being alone at night. Two night of not sleeping made me very tired, zombie alike, and another sleepless night was on its way. That night around 1:30 I got a call from my Bhua. It was my bhua's FIL's death anniversary and they were thinking of going to temple but they found out that my uncle's older brother died in his sleep:-(. His wife went with morning tea to wake him up on Sunday but he didn't respond. When they took him to the hospital, they said he died 2 hrs back.. I wonder if he had woken up early to go to work he might have been alive? He died the same day as his father, 2 years later.. It was just so sad and I felt worse. They didn’t have any kid and they adopted his niece but she too died few years back at the age of 14. Now they had one adopted son who was very very attached to him. I kept thinking of everything when I met his 3 years ago:-(.

I couldn’t sleep till 4:30 in the morning and was up around 8 cuz kids were up by then:-(. The whole time hubby was in India I waited till morning to sleep and all day I was like a zombie.. Even now when he is back I still can’t sleep till late:-( A’s school was close and I was keeping them busy.. I hardly had time to even check email. I was online 2-3 times just to pay the bills & all. I wanted to check my blog but I knew once I see comments I will have the itch to respond & kids were really keeping me all busy so I thought I will check once they are asleep but A never slept before 1 in the morning & then I was too tired to even think about the blog.

Even if I couldn’t be online I still thought of everybody & I always though I will at least read few blogs but I couldn’t even do that. Hubby was back on 17th and I thought of updating my blog but he had jetlag & it was difficult to make kids not bother him all day long. Next day he had to arrange stuff for his seminar & he left again on Tuesday for another 3 days. He came back on Friday night, actually around 4 in the morning because there was smoke coming out of his original plane then they had to switch the plane. Weekend was busy. Yesterday was Ashtami & I had to do kanjak and now here is an update from me:-).

I still can’t sleep till 2-3 in the morning & days are still very tiring.. I hope everybody is doing great. I will check all my favorite blogs once I am out of my zombie mode;-).

Hugs

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Why A didn't want to write...

Yesterday I read an Indian story to A. It was about a grandma telling his grandson to study for his exam. When I went to the kitchen I told A to get his notebook & pencil and write something and he said

No mamma, I don’t want to.

Why?

Because

Because??

Because I don’t want to.

Remember that grandma was telling that boy to study, so you have to study too now since you heard the story;-) Otherwise Im not going to read you any more stories.

But my teacher said not to study.

Yeah?

Yes, My teacher said not to study.

Who, Miss T?

No, Miss C said not to study.

Alright, let me call her and ask..

No, you can not call.

Why?

Because school is closed now.

Ok, I will call tomorrow then and ask Miss C if she said not to study.

No, you can’t call them tomorrow.

Why?

Because then they will say we are closing the school.

But I can still talk to them..

No, you can not.

Ok, now when you will go to school tomorrow, I will ask then.

No, Miss C will be sick tomorrow and She won’t be in the school. Only Mrs T will be there.

Ok, I will wait when Miss C is all better and come to school, then I will ask her.

Mamma, she is sick. She will come next year.

I was out of questions;-)

Was I Mean??

After the other day’s argument I told him that if he has that much work he don’t need to come home early (he work from home-first floor), I will give him dinner just like lunch.. Prepare a plate & call him then he come from the backdoor & take it downstairs..

So yesterday he came home and this is what happened

What are you doing here? Done with your work?

Ab kya, Im home now.

Well I told you can work as long as you want & I will take care of the kids..

No, its ok.

NO, We are in good mood and every time you come home either you spank A within 5 minutes & make me mad or you piss me off. So if you have lots of work to do you can go downstairs and don’t worry about us.

You can cook & eat and I will take care of the kids for an hr...

Well I am almost done anyway and I would like to work happily not pissed off or under pressure and feeling guilty that you are home because of me.. So no need to do that for me..

You sure

Yes.

Then I spend 2 hrs. cooking, doing dishes & other stuff, and though he might be hungry. So made berry smoothie (he doesn’t like anything so if I say it was his favorite, I would be lying.. He can live on milk & bananas.) And called him..

I fed the kids while he was in the kitchen & he offered to feed the kids but Nope, I didn’t want his help.. (I was still pissed off from inside). He was eating and I did all the night things for kids, peepee, diaper & wash them and put them in the bedroom. He even offered to do that which I usually like cuz I feel relaxed when he does that 10-minute thing. It’s a change for me after all day of doing the same.. But not yesterday.. I didn’t want his help at all.. In 10 minutes I finished eating my dinner.. He wanted to go downstairs for more work but now I wanted to have tea without any interruption.. So he stayed even though I said he didn’t need to “I will drink after kids are asleep”. So he was with kids & I had tea and did the tag;-) then went inside & spend 20 minutes making both of them go to sleep so that I can watch tv on mute & feel peaceful:-)

Now even though we argue it doesn’t mean I don’t love him (I don’t know about him though). He is a great guy who help me anytime I need but only problem is that he is emotionless & everything is a chore for him.. By everything I mean “Everything”.. And that bothers me sooooooo much..

And I made up my mind now.. Until he wants to stay home, we don’t need his help. So I thought he will be working late today too (yes he has too;-) let me make food which is more filling so Im off to making thai food for him;-)

Do you think Im wrong? I mean if he is not willing why bother making him spend time with us.. Kids are always happy to see him but they don’t care if he doesn’t come home for a day or 2.. Until I go in the bedroom they don’t even sleep with him.. I tell hubby that he needs to show interest in them cuz just sitting there watching tv with them is not all they want. Other kids wait for the dad to come home & spend time but not your kids. But he says, “Aise he hota hai”. Nope, Aise nahi hota.